Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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