I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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