we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
