Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
