There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
