i may or may not be watching the land before time
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
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I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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