then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
