If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
