conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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