Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
