so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My liver is preforming stress tests.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
