my mouth tastes like poor choices
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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