i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
