Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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