my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize