I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
NoShamevember. You game?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
