he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
