I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
