the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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