I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
