If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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