omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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