I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
