I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
