The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
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Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
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Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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