first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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