Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
They took my balls.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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