his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize