Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
