there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
