we made out on top of his cat.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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