I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
