so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
