you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
