just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
