Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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