i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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