It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
