Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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