I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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