i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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