ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
