The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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