C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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