3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
