stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
