i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
do nipples grow back?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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