the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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