its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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