When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she told me i tasted like america
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
