can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He has the fingertips of a God
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
