Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
