it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
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He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
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You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.