im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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