I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
