it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize