there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
