Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
it's great music for shaving your balls
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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