there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
